WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
