Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
