You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize