he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
