fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
