Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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