there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
