hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
