I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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