Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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