Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
