So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
