Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize