drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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