Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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