I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
