my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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