I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
