my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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