My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
