I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
