So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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