shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
