i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
