when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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