I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
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