he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
