He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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