words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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