After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
