im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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