we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
