I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
