Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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