I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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