Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
