Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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