The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
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