Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
