You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize