I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
