i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
