well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
