Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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