My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
