So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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