this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
