i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
