New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize