I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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