i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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