Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Still dying that you shit outside
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
