dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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