it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
