No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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