I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
