she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
