Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
