im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She bit a glass in half.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
