She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
