I have demons in me.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Randomize
