Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
