I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
